Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
