our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
