I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
