So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
