i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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