Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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