I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
