Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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