using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
