he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
