There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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