You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
