nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
