You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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