I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
