It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
