i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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