Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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