I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
