Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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