Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
