is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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