So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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