if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
