It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
