This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
