No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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