I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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