I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
