Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
