we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
