She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
