Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
