having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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