Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this just has baby written all over it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
