I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
