i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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