jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
