the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
