READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
