well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
