Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
