dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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