that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
