Kiss
Puke
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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