hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
