as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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