can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Where are you guys?
Drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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