I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
