thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
