no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
please don't ironically join a cult
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