guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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