Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
