I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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