I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
