I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize