I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
