I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
