I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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