He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
