There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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