well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
