DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
