I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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