your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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