I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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