I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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