I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
