Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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