please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
